Medical Reviewer

Dr Luke Prest

About the Reviewer

With more than 20 million people in the U.S. having a substance use disorder, drug and alcohol addiction affects many people’s lives. One 2017 study found that nearly half of all Americans (46%) have a family member or close friend who is currently, or has been previously, addicted to drugs. Living with an addict can be challenging and upsetting. Still, friends and family play an important role in effective addiction treatment and recovery.

If you are worried about a family member with a substance use disorder, there are things that you can do to support and encourage them in their rehabilitation journey. Many studies have shown that family support contributes to a higher recovery success rate among addicts. Here we will provide tips and information about how best to help your family member in need while supporting yourself at the same time.

How Does Addiction Affect Families?

The National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence, Inc (NCADD) states that addiction is a family disease. Addiction can have many detrimental effects on a family, such as:

Physical health of family members: The stress that family members can experience when they know or suspect that a loved one has an addiction problem can make them physically unwell. Stress can hugely impact the body and cause someone to become run down and more prone to infections, suffer from insomnia, or lose their appetite.
The mental health of family members: Family members can struggle with a multitude of thoughts and feelings when someone they love is suffering from an addiction. These feelings can include worry, guilt, anger, confusion, helplessness, embarrassment, and more. The ongoing impact of dealing with these feelings can lead to mental health concerns, including anxiety and depression. One study found that 29.4% of people with a substance user in the family were suspected of having mental health disorders.
Family finances: A drug or alcohol addiction can quickly become expensive. Addicted people may lose their jobs and homes due to substance abuse, which severely impacts their families. Individuals may borrow money and not be able to pay it back.
Family openness and honesty: When someone has an alcohol or drug addiction, they can become secretive and lie to those closest to them. They may become possessive about their belongings, including their bag, bedroom, or car. They may steal money or sell objects to fund their habit.
Children within the family: It is estimated that more than eight million children younger than 18 live with at least one adult with a substance use disorder (SUD). This can significantly impact a child’s development and increase the likelihood of them struggling emotionally and behaviorally and developing a SUD of their own.
Family dynamics and unity: Families with members with alcohol and drug abuse issues have higher rates of aggression and violence. Someone with an addiction may be especially moody or bad-tempered due to the psychological effects of the drugs they have been using or the impact of withdrawal symptoms. Addicts often cannot focus on anything other than seeking and using more drugs or alcohol. This can cause them to neglect their loved ones, create unpredictability in the lives of others and upset the balance of the family unit.

Ultimately, the impact of addiction on the family can cause it to break down completely. Drug and alcohol addicts can become estranged from their families. They may become homeless or involved in crime and end up incarcerated. Living with someone that has an addiction can be painful and challenging, but there are things that you can do to address the situation for the benefit of all family members.

What Can I Do To Support Someone With an Addiction?

If your loved one has an active addiction, you should address the situation as soon as possible. Research shows that the most effective way to help someone with a substance use problem is to intervene early before the condition can progress. There are many things you can do to address the situation and support your loved one through the treatment process.

The Preparation Phase

Raising the subject of someone’s substance abuse and their need for addiction treatment can be daunting. You can prepare yourself and increase the chance of successful conversation by:

Learning About Their Addiction: Rehab.com is full of trusted resources about substance use disorders. By educating yourself on all aspects of the addiction that your loved one is struggling with, how and why it happened, and what can be done to overcome it, you will be in a stronger position to support them through recovery.
Researching Treatment Options: When addressing the need for substance addiction treatment with your family member, it is important not to dictate the solution. Instead, you can prepare yourself by finding out more about the various treatment options available and providing them with information to enable them to explore things further for themselves.
Finding Support Groups: When someone has a drug or alcohol addiction, they may benefit from joining support groups in the local area where they can meet people in the same situation. Often this is an excellent place to start seeking help so you can provide them with information and contacts for groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous.
Researching Support Networks for the Family: While the addicted person may receive support from medical practitioners, counselors, and support groups, it can feel isolating and overwhelming as a family member. Many organizations offer support for the families of addicts, and you can also speak to them at the beginning stage for advice about how to initially approach the need for addiction treatment with your loved one.

9 Tips for Addressing the Need for Addiction Treatment

Once you have prepared yourself, you can have an open discussion about addiction treatment with your loved one. The National Institute on Drug Abuse states that addiction treatment must help the person stop using drugs, stay drug-free, and be productive in the family, work, and society. The challenge is to find ways to engage your family member in this discussion to see rehabilitation benefits for themselves.

Discussing addiction with someone who may be in denial of their problem or with whom you already have a strained relationship can be challenging. Below are some suggestions for making it more successful and effective:

1. Find the Right Time: Find a time when your family member is relaxed and has free time available to talk. This could follow a family meal or another bonding occasion that has gone well and strengthened relations between family members. Choosing the right time and location can make the discussion seem less threatening.

2. Choose the Right Person: Friends or family members who are further removed from the person with the addiction may have more success than you. This is especially true if your relationship is already strained due to addiction-related issues.

3. Remain Calm: It can be challenging to remain calm, especially if your loved one does not react as you had hoped or denies that they have a problem. Arguing with your family member or insulting them will likely only set you back further in your attempt to help them. Instead, express your concern and tell them that you’re there to help. Create a judgement-free and loving environment to foster conversation and openness.

4. Ask Open Questions: Allow your family member time to fully express themselves by asking open-ended questions that do not lead them to answer in a particular way. You should allow the person to come to terms with their situation and make decisions for themselves. If they feel they have control over what is happening, they are more likely to commit to treatment and long-term recovery.

5. Find Their Motivation: Suppose your family member talks about changing aspects of their life or identifies areas they wish to improve. In that case, it could be an ideal opportunity to discuss the impact they think their drug or alcohol abuse may have and what they can do to improve their situation. Having the motivation to change can be crucial to the success of recovery.

6. Consider Leverage: Sometimes, those with addiction need the motivation to change, which may be in the form of rewards or unpleasant consequences if they are non-compliant. Family members may offer financial or material rewards if the person commits to treatment. On the other hand, family members may threaten to cut the individual off financially or ask them to leave the family home if they do not address their addiction. Being cautious with this approach is essential as it can lead to the complete breakdown of family relationships.

7. Be Patient: Recognize that helping your loved one doesn’t happen overnight, and you may need to reach out and offer help multiple times. These conversations can be emotionally fraught. You may need to take a break or leave the subject for a few days to allow the person with the addiction time to process what you have said and think about the next step for themselves. If your loved one initiates subsequent conversations on the subject, this is a positive sign that they are looking for help.

8. Undertake Community Reinforcement Approach and Family Training (CRAFT): CRAFT is a scientifically based intervention designed to help concerned significant others (CSOs) to engage treatment-refusing substance abusers into treatment. Developed by Dr. Robert J Meyers, CRAFT uses an overall positive approach and steers clear of any confrontation. CSOs are taught how to motivate family members to enter treatment. This is an effective approach, not only in the number of people who enter treatment, but also CSOs report improvements in family cohesion and conflict.

9. Conduct an Intervention: If all else fails, sometimes the whole family will come together and try to force the person with the addiction to undergo treatment. This approach can have mixed success. Without the motivation to change, the addicted person may lack the commitment and resolve to complete their treatment and remain sober long-term. In some situations, however, it may be the only option to engage those individuals with more severe substance misuse.

Supporting a Family Member With the 5 Rules of Recovery

Once your family member has agreed to embark upon addiction recovery treatment, knowing how you can support them during the process is crucial. You can encourage them to follow the five rules of recovery to maintain focus on what is important:

1. Make Changes: Encourage your family member to stop using substances and help them create a new life for themselves. If they do not make some changes, the chance of relapse is high. To succeed, the addicted person must change the negative thought patterns that lead them to addiction and avoid associating with people, places, and situations related to substance abuse.

2. Be Honest: Dishonesty is commonplace with addicts. Someone with an addiction will lie about their whereabouts, hide drugs, steal or deceive people to obtain money. Often those with addiction lie to themselves, so they do not have to address their problems. Encourage your family member to be honest with you, themselves, and the medical practitioners helping them recover.

3. Ask For Help: Many addicts will try to recover by themselves due to a feeling of shame and embarrassment. Encourage your family member to take advantage of all available opportunities to seek support. This includes during treatment. Ask your family member for feedback on their progress and their thoughts on their treatment center and treatment program. No addiction treatment plan is suitable for everyone, and finding the right one is crucial to long-term success. Your loved one may need help adapting their program and maintaining motivation.

4. Practice Self-care: People in treatment for substance use disorder often feel like they do not deserve to be cared for or worthy of having or doing something nice for themselves. You should encourage your loved one to take time out for themselves and focus on things they enjoy. This will encourage feelings of worthiness, while improving their mood and mental health. As drug addicts often use substances to escape reality or feel a sense of reward, a successful recovery process depends on finding ways to achieve these feelings more healthily without resorting to drugs.

5. Don’t Bend the Rules: Addiction treatment programs are tailored to the needs of the individual and designed to optimize the chance of long-term recovery. Encourage your family member to follow the professional advice and treatment plan prescribed for them. Not following the plan long-term leads to many people relapsing. Once your loved one is receiving treatment, stay involved in the process and show them that you are also committed to their long-term recovery.

Benefits of Family Involvement in Substance Abuse Treatment

The available treatment options for addiction recovery vary and depend on the patient and their circumstances. Your support of the process is valuable to its long-term success. Regardless of the treatment plan proposed, treatment providers will encourage family involvement in the process. Family involvement in treatment can reduce harm and improve treatment entry, completion, and outcomes for the individual coping with an addiction. Examples of the benefits of family involvement in addiction treatment are:

Helping to resolve the conflicts, anger, and betrayal caused by addiction
Learning to communicate more effectively as a family
Boosting the self-esteem of your loved one and yourself through positive reinforcement of values and actions to date
Learning about addiction and the effect it has on family members
Provide the addicted person with the motivation for change
Reassuring your family member that they are loved and that they have a support system available throughout their recovery journey
Provide the tools and coping skills required to support long-term recovery and prevent relapse

Recovery Treatment Options With Family Involvement

Substance abuse healthcare providers may offer the addicted person various treatment options. These include detox plans, inpatient and outpatient treatment, and comprehensive aftercare to avoid relapse. There are elements of these treatment plans where family can be involved.

The role of family members within the addiction treatment process is to support and encourage their loved ones while also focusing on their personal well-being and improving family unity. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) provides a list of family-involvement addiction treatment options, which include:

Multisystemic Family Therapy (MST): Suitable for families with adolescents with addiction, it involves intensive family counseling that seeks to alter environmental influences that encourage substance abuse.
Systemic–Motivational Therapy: Useful for all families, it combines systemic family therapy and motivational interviewing (MI) elements. This therapy helps assess family beliefs and encourages team working among family members.
Multidimensional Family Therapy (MDFT): Suitable for families from ethnically diverse families, those in low-income areas, and those with co-occurring mental health concerns. MDFT takes a multi-disciplinary approach to substance abuse, exploring motivation for change, family functioning, and behavioral health.
Behavioral Couples Therapy (BCT): Generally most effective in couples where only one person has a SUD, and neither has a significant mental illness. This structured approach addresses substance abuse while rebuilding relationships and strengthening resolve to recover.
Behavioral Family Therapy (BFT): This approach is suitable for all. Substance abuse is viewed as learned behavior, and the role of family members in reinforcing this behavior is addressed. Contingency management strategies are employed to reward abstinence and increase positive behaviors.
Functional Family Therapy: Suitable for all, this therapy seeks to improve the family system by identifying dysfunctional family behaviors that maintain adolescent subject abuse and reinforces motivation for change.
Community Reinforcement and Family Training (CRAFT): In addition to encouraging a family member to start treatment, CRAFT can also be helpful during the treatment stage. It teaches family members how to encourage their loved ones in their recovery journey by engaging in positive reinforcement of healthy behaviors.
Family Recovery Support Groups: Family members of people recovering from SUDs benefit from meeting to help one another learn how to cope with living with a person with an ongoing substance use disorder.
Family Peer Recovery Support Services: Supported by someone with their own experience of living with a family member with a SUD or mental health concern, resources and guidance are provided to support family members.
Relapse Prevention: While the addicted person is at risk of relapse, so are the family members. A plan is devised to assist the family with coping with their loved one’s drug use without resorting to previous behaviors that facilitated or encouraged substance abuse. This plan can include:
Self-care: Often, family members become so focused on the addicted person that they do not stop to take care of themselves. Self-care could include taking time out for yourself, such as going for walks, meditating, or spending time with other people not involved in the situation.
Professional support: Living with a family member’s addiction can be stressful and emotionally draining. Professionals specializing in supporting family members can offer dedicated counseling and support to process feelings of despair, worry, and guilt.
Learning new coping skills: Anyone faced with episodes of stress or trauma will benefit from learning new ways to handle these situations. This could be holistic practices such as mindfulness, which enables family members to react more calmly and thoughtfully when faced with challenging times.
Engaging in new activities: Finding new activities or hobbies can be extremely rewarding. Not only does it provide family members with some time to themselves and a distraction from their problems, but it will enable them to meet new people, get fit or find a new passion in life.

Support for families of people with a substance use disorder

Knowing where to start to find help for your loved one, yourself, or the rest of your family can be daunting, but there are many resources you can turn to for advice and guidance. Often addiction treatment facilities offer family support programs, and there are also many organizations throughout the U.S. that can provide support. Some organizations are general, whereas others are tailored to more specific situations regarding addiction. Examples of organizations you can turn to include:

Al-Anon: This worldwide fellowship provides hope and help for families of people with alcohol addiction. This wide-ranging resource includes local support meetings and information to address family members’ concerns.
Alateen: Part of Al-Anon, Alateen offers support for adolescents in families affected by alcoholism. It includes a mobile app designed for 13-18-year-olds to meet electronically to discuss their concerns and support each other.
Nar-Anon: This support network offers a 12-step program for the friends and family of people with drug addiction, including regular meetings.
SAMHSA National Helpline: Offering support for families of those with an addiction, this helpline offers free and confidential information and treatment referral at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or TTY: 1-800-487-4889, or text your zip code to 435748 (HELP4U).
Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA): Specifically aimed at those who grew up in homes with people with alcohol use disorder, this family support group seeks to assist members with sharing their experiences and learning to address their childhood trauma.
Families Anonymous (FA): This 12-step program is designed to help the friends and family of those with alcohol and drug abuse issues and associated behavioral problems. Routine meetings are held where members share experiences and provide each other with peer support.
Parents of Addicted Loved Ones: This Christian-run non-profit organization offers weekly sessions to support parents of children with substance use disorder. You can find meetings in your local area through their online search function.
Recovering Couples Anonymous: This self-supporting organization aims to support couples affected by substance abuse by restoring communication and intimacy within relationships.

Addiction is rarely an individual thing. It has wide-reaching consequences for many people and especially for the family members of those with substance use disorders. Living with your loved one’s addiction can be challenging, upsetting, and sometimes frightening. Help for the families of those with a drug or alcohol addiction is widely available. Family members also need support and guidance to assist their loved ones in recovering from addiction while rebuilding relationships, trust, and unity.

Addiction recovery can be challenging, but it is possible, and the same can be said for recovery from living with a family member’s addiction. Using the guidance here, you will be in the best position to support your loved one on their path to long-term recovery while simultaneously looking after yourself and other family members.